Confessions and Fantasies
by Callea
Summary: Sam and Daniel return from a night at the movies. Daniel confesses how he really feels. COMPLETE
1. 1 Sam's POV

Category: Sam/Daniel romance, friendship, angst  
  
Spoilers: Need, The Tok'ra, Enigma  
  
Season/Sequel info: takes place during season 7  
  
Rating: PG13  
  
Content Warnings: angst, some profanity, mild sexual references  
  
Summary: Sam and Daniel come back from a night at the movies.  
  
NOTES & WARNING: The sequence of events in this story is purposely slightly out of order. Part 1 is all cheerful and fluffy, but the story changes after that. The POV of the story switches between Sam and Daniel.  
  
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Sam and Daniel walked down the sidewalk toward Daniel's apartment. Usually, she met him there and they took turns driving to the movie. But tonight, Daniel had insisted that they walk because it was so beautiful outside. She was glad he had made that decision.   
  
The cool night air sent a breeze through her hair and she shivered slightly. Daniel noticed and stopped what he was saying to ask her, "Are you cold?" His jacket was draped across his arm and he raised it toward her, offering its use.  
  
Sam always appreciated the concern he showed for her, but she found the brisk air refreshing. "I'm fine. Besides, we're almost there."  
  
Sam was sorry that the night was about to end. She and Daniel often went to movies together, but this was the best night she had ever had. Maybe it was the walk; maybe it was being able to just relax for a while and look at the stars, or maybe it was the way Daniel's eyes glittered brightly whenever he looked at her. It made her feel important and wanted. She had missed him so much, and she cherished every moment she got to spend with him now that he had returned.   
  
"Um..." he began to say. "About that... I was thinking that you don't have to leave as soon as we get back. You could come inside."   
  
Caught off guard, she asked, "Inside your apartment?" Sam wanted to go in. She wanted to spend as much time with him as possible, but she wasn't sure it was a good idea. There was a limit to how close team members were supposed to be, and she and Daniel had been dangerously close to that limit practically since they'd met. For team members of the opposite gender, going to the movies together every other week was almost bad enough. Spending time at each other's homes late at night was practically asking for punishment.  
  
He laughed softly as he asked, "Where else would we go into?"   
  
"Geez, you don't have to make me feel stupid," she joked.   
  
"Well, somebody has to," he shot back.  
  
"You don't have to be so good at it." She made a mock-irritated face at him and elbowed him in the side.   
  
This made him laugh harder. "I know you're stronger than me, Sam, but you don't have to beat me up."  
  
Trying to sound serious through her laughter, she threatened, "Don't make me take you out right here."  
  
"Oooh, you can hurt me any day," he responded with a devilish grin.   
  
"I'm sure you'd love that. You seem to have a certain fondness for being beaten up."  
  
"Ouch, did ya have to bring that up?"  
  
"Hey, I'm not the one who started this," she responded innocently.  
  
"Touche."   
  
Without Sam realizing it, they had arrived at the door to Daniel's building. As he took out his keys, he smiled at her and asked, "So are you coming in?"  
  
She smiled back and nodded. "Yeah." 


	2. 2 Daniel's POV

"Sam, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I love you."  
  
She smiled back at him warmly as she sat her coffee cup down on his coffee table. "I love you too, Daniel. You know that."  
  
He sighed heavily and looked down at his hands. "Sam, that's not what I meant." After a few seconds of thought, he looked up at her. Gazing into her eyes, his voice took on a more definite, serious tone. "I mean that I am deeply in love with you."  
  
Sam suddenly seemed uncomfortable, and she looked away from him. She stared at the wall motionless and silent for a very long time.  
  
Filled with regret, Daniel finally broke the silence. "Sam, would you at least say something?" He didn't know what to do. He had just taken the biggest chance of his life, and it looked like it would turn out to be his biggest mistake as well. He stammered as he begged her, "Tell me you feel the same way or... or... that you could never think of me like that... Please just tell me something."  
  
As Sam turned back to him, he could see the sadness and regret in her eyes. He immediately realized that this was not going to turn out the way he had hoped. She didn't have to say a word for him to understand that.  
  
"Oh," was all he could say. He could barely control his voice and fought to keep the tears from his eyes.  
  
"Daniel," she began.  
  
"Boy do I feel like an ass," he interrupted and tried to fake a smile.  
  
"Daniel, it's not that..."  
  
He stopped her from finishing. He didn't want to hear her rejection and didn't want to force her to come up with excuses for why she didn't want him. It felt like he had just taken a staff blast to the heart, but for her sake, he tried to play the whole thing off like it wasn't a big deal to him. "Hey Sam, you don't have to explain anything to me. It's okay."   
  
"I'm sorry," she whispered and Daniel thought he saw a tear move down her cheek before she turned away from him again.   
  
Her apology sounded genuine and he knew he couldn't blame her if she didn't love him. After all, it wasn't a choice she had made. He hadn't chosen to love her. It just happened. It wasn't right for him to hold the fact that she didn't return his feelings against her, but he didn't know how much longer he could keep up this faÃ§ade he was trying to put forth. "Sam, really, don't worry about it. It's probably just a passing thing, like a virus or something. I'll get over it."  
  
That wasn't true, and he knew it. He had loved her for years, and those feelings weren't going to fade away like some strange dream. They had started out small a long time ago and had grown steadily, taking him over. He couldn't stop thinking about her. He couldn't sleep at night, and he couldn't breathe when she walked into a room.   
  
He was sure that these last few months she must have noticed how often he'd been staring at her from across the room and looking at her every ten seconds during mission briefings.   
  
He got different reactions each time she caught him looking at her. Sometimes she would just cast him a friendly smile that let him know how much she had missed him. Other times, she would quickly look away, embarrassed, as though the two of them had just been caught in a compromising situation. Once he even thought her smile held something more, like she knew exactly what he was thinking and she was thinking the same.  
  
He'd gone to visit her in her lab after that, determined to confess everything to her. As he approached her door, he had heard Jack's voice inside. He stopped quickly, considering whether or not to go in. He knew he couldn't tell her about his feelings while Jack was there; it would have been too awkward. Still, he considered going in and just chatting with them for a while, but he feared that if he walked into that room, he would blurt out everything. He'd quickly turned and walked away, not wanting to eavesdrop on their conversation.  
  
He remembered how happy her voice had sounded at the time, and he now wished he had stayed to listen in on what they had been saying. A sudden thought occurred to him and he now wished he hadn't silenced her a few minutes ago when she had tried to talk to him. He hoped he was wrong about what she had been trying to say, but he had to know for sure.  
  
Tears began to run down his cheeks, and he knew he couldn't look at her as he asked, "Is it because of Jack?"   
  
"Daniel," she cried out in a 'how can you ask that tone'.  
  
He waited for her to continue, but when she didn't, he turned to look at her. His voice was barely audible. "Well, is it? Are you in love with him?"  
  
"I don't even know why you would suggest that."  
  
"Gee, let me think," he said sarcastically.  
  
"Daniel Jackson, that has got to be the stupidest thing I have ever heard you say." She paused and sighed, "No I am not in love with Colonel O'Neill."   
  
So, she didn't love Jack, but she also didn't love him. He felt empty and bitter. He hurt inside and he wanted to make it stop. He wanted her to know how bad it felt. "I guess maybe you're still hung up on Martouf or Narim then," he muttered. He knew it was a low blow, and he regretted it the second it came out of his mouth.  
  
"Do you think the only reason I don't want you is because I want someone else?" she shouted angrily. "Maybe I just don't want to be with you!" 


	3. 3 Sam's POV

It felt odd watching him unlock the door. This was the kind of scene couples usually found themselves in, and she knew if anyone were watching, that's exactly the way they would see it.   
  
That misguided outsider might think that she and Daniel had just gotten back from a romantic night out and were headed upstairs to spend a night of passion in each other's arms. The amusing thing was that, not including her bizarre encounter with Orlin, her 'dates' with Daniel were actually the closest thing she had had to a romantic evening since... well, since before she even knew Daniel.   
  
She looked at him as he opened the door. He was breathtaking in his suit, like he had come straight out of GQ. She was still amazed that he insisted on dressing up for the movies just to make their evenings more 'special'. Although he never asked her to, she dressed up right along with him.   
  
It occurred to her that one thing that could make the evening even more special was to get rid of his suit, her dress, and all other articles of clothing entirely. The thought ran through her mind, and her heart began pounding as she stepped into the building. She felt like a crazed, giddy teen-ager sneaking around behind her parent's back.   
  
She walked slightly behind Daniel as they went up the stairs, admiring his body as his muscles moved beneath his clothes. It occurred to her that she and Daniel could be lovers and no one would know. 'Movie night' could be a code word for their secret rendezvous in each other's beds. While they were working late at night, they could lock the door and throw all those artifacts off the table then carefully put them back into place before anyone was the wiser. What would be so wrong with that?   
  
She knew there was a world of things wrong with it. The lies and betrayal of her other teammates, friends, and superiors would be too much. She couldn't face them every day knowing that she was deceiving them. Of course, that didn't stop her from fantasizing about it. She had been doing that for years.  
  
There was little harm in fantasy, but she realized that at that very moment she was literally taking the final steps toward turning that fantasy into a reality. She considered backing out and going home now before she got herself in too deep, but she was already inside the building, and she knew she couldn't come up with a believable reason for having to go now. Besides, Daniel had behaved like nothing but a sweet, innocent gentleman the entire night. She had no reason to think he had ulterior motives. They spent time alone together a lot and nothing ever happened. Why should tonight be any different?  
  
She watched him stop and unlock his apartment door, imagining the two of them in a scene right out of the movies: He her pinned against the door as he fumbled for the lock, too caught up in the throws of passion to stop long enough just to open the door. When it finally opened, he lifted her and she wrapped her legs around him as he carried her into the bedroom.  
  
When the door really did open, Daniel walked inside and flipped on the lights. Sam closed the door behind her, and he turned and asked, "You want some coffee or something?"  
  
His voice startled her. She suddenly realized that neither of them had spoken since they entered the building. She couldn't believe she had been that lost in thought.   
  
"Daniel, it's eleven o'clock at night."  
  
"So that's a yes?"  
  
A smile spread across her face, "One pot should be enough."  
  
"Well, have a seat, relax and I'll be right back."  
  
He headed for the kitchen as she took off her shoes and set them near the couch. Having done that, she walked after him.   
  
As she came through the kitchen door, he gave her an accusing look, "I thought I told you to relax."  
  
"You know that's the one thing I've never been good at."  
  
"We'll have to work on that," he said as he finished filling the coffee maker. He turned on the machine then walked toward her and gently took her by the shoulders, turning her around and guiding her back through the door. "Now, you're going sit down on this couch and relax, doctor's orders."  
  
She couldn't help but laugh. "You're not that kind of doctor."  
  
He smiled and shrugged his shoulders as he turned to go back into the kitchen. Sam admired the rear view as he went, silently thanking the makers of his pants. Her smile grew wider as she pictured herself 'playing doctor' with Doctor Jackson.  
  
"What are you smiling about?" he asked as he came back through the door carrying two cups of coffee.  
  
She was surprised to see him standing there. She hadn't even noticed the door opening. "A joke I heard earlier today."  
  
He walked toward her, setting the cups on the coffee table. "Oh, what was it?"  
  
"Ummm... Ya know, I don't remember exactly, and now that I think about it, it wasn't really that funny."  
  
He looked like he didn't quite believe her, but he didn't ask anything more. He simply sat down next to her, picked up one of the cups and handed it to her.   
  
"I've been thinking about a lot of things lately," he said as he picked up his cup.   
  
"Like what?" she asked before taking a sip.  
  
"Like you, and how much you mean to me."  
  
Her heart pounded uncontrollably in her chest. She was both excited and nervous. She tried to calm herself by taking deliberate, deep breaths. She didn't know whether she wanted him to say what she thought he was about to.  
  
He set the cup back on the table then continued. "You've always been there for me, to support me and care for me. I want to be there for you too. Sam, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I love you."  
  
She knew she'd heard him correctly, and now that the words were out of his mouth, she wished they had never come out. There had always been an unspoken bond between them, one that she feared would be ruined by these words.  
  
She feigned ignorance, hoping he would lose his courage and forget the whole topic. She set down her coffee cup and did her best to sound casual. "I love you too, Daniel. You know that."  
  
"Sam, that's not what I meant." After a few seconds, he looked at her, and she was caught in the trace of his shining blue spheres. "I mean that I am deeply in love with you."  
  
She felt like she was falling. It was worse than she'd thought. He hadn't backed off and tried to save face by playing along. She wasn't at all prepared for this. She needed time. She turned away, unable to face him.  
  
Fantasies were one thing, but this was entirely too real. This changed everything. How could she not have realized this was what he wanted? When she thought about it, she realized that she had known. It had been there plainly for her to see. The look in his eyes when she caught him looking at her, the way he constantly offered his help and tried to take care of her... She had ignored the signs though, too caught up in chasing after her fantasy to realize that the fantasy was chasing her.   
  
She wished she could change the way he felt. She was happy loving him without any reciprocation. She had become used to it, and it was comforting to her. The thought of him loving her back scared her. She was sure that she would do something to destroy that love. Then she would be completely alone again, without Daniel as her safety net to fall back on.  
  
"Sam, would you at least say something? Tell me you feel the same way or... or... that you could never think of me like that... Please just tell me something."  
  
She wanted to tell him that she loved him, but she couldn't. She turned back to him, trying to speak, but unable to find the words.  
  
"Oh," he whispered when he saw her face. His tone tore at her heart. She knew he must think that she didn't love him.  
  
He looked like his world had been ripped out from under him or he had just lost his best friend. That thought hit far too close to her heart. She hoped she hadn't already lost the best friend she had ever had, the only man whom she knew she loved with her whole heart.  
  
She expected to see tears rolling down his cheeks any moment. She hated seeing him like this, and she wanted him to stop hurting. "Daniel..."  
  
"Boy do I feel like an ass," he interrupted.   
  
She noticed his smile and immediately saw through it. She wished that it was genuine, but she knew he was just trying to be strong. She wanted him to know how much she cared. "Daniel, it's not that..."  
  
"Hey Sam, you don't have to explain anything to me. It's okay."   
  
She hated the fake smile. She would rather see him cry. At least the tears showed his true feelings. She knew she had no right to those feelings though, because she wasn't being honest herself.  
  
She didn't know what to say, but she knew that she couldn't tell him the truth. All she could find the words to say was, "I'm sorry," as she turned away to hide a falling tear.  
  
"Sam, really, don't worry about it. It's probably just a passing thing, like a virus or something. I'll get over it."  
  
Those words cut through her like a hot knife, and she blinked back the tears that came to the surface. She didn't want him to 'get over it.' She wanted him to love her, and she wanted to show him how much she really loved him. She wanted to live happily ever after with him, but she knew that things like that never happened. Instead people, that she cared about died and the ones that didn't just left her. Daniel had already done both.  
  
He didn't say anything more, and she watched his phony smile faded as he leaned forward to put his head in his hands. Usually she knew exactly how to comfort him, but now she was at a loss. She had never been the one inflicting the damage before. Now that she was, she couldn't just hug him or stroke his hair or even tell him that everything would be all right. This time, she couldn't make him that promise.   
  
He turned to her and she saw his tears. As she looked at his face, she hated herself. Tears streaked his face all because of her. Daniel was the last person she ever wanted to hurt but she had done just that.   
  
"Is it because of Jack?"   
  
The question shocked her. She never thought that he might think such a thing. "Daniel," she called out, almost scolding him for having come up with something so ridiculous. She didn't know what else to say and didn't feel that the question deserved any more of an answer.  
  
His voice was soft and low, but she heard every word as he asked, "Well, is it? Are you in love with him?"  
  
The accusation was completely unreasonable, and in her eyes had no basis in reality. "I don't even know why you would suggest that."  
  
"Gee, let me think."   
  
His sarcastic comment hurt. He knew her better than to believe the stupid rumors that flew around the base. "Daniel Jackson, that has got to be the stupidest thing I have ever heard you say." So that there could be no misunderstanding, she spelled it out for him. "No I am not in love with Colonel O'Neill."  
  
"I guess maybe you're still hung up on Martouf or Narim then."   
  
The comment stung and she never believed he would sink so low. Accusing her of wanting Jack was one thing, but bringing up men who he had 'walked in on her with' and were now dead was quite another. She never expected Daniel to act this way. She thought he would be more understanding.  
  
"Do you think the only reason I don't want you is because I want someone else?" she shouted angrily. "Maybe I just don't want to be with you!" As she shouted it, she meant it. He had brought up the one thing that could make her fume. She stood, no longer guarding her words. "But if you think that I want anyone more than I want you, you don't know me as well as you think you do!"  
  
She reached down and grabbed her shoes. Without putting them on, she headed for the door. She raced barefoot down the stairwell with tears streaming down her face. As she neared the bottom, she thought she heard footsteps coming down quickly behind her. She was certain of it when she heard him calling her name. She ignored it and continued running out the door.  
  
The sidewalk was cold beneath her feet, and she tried to wipe away the tears so she could find her way to her car. Luckily, she had parked close enough that it wasn't difficult to get to it, but when she pulled out her keys, she found it almost impossible to see the keyhole on the door. 


	4. 4 Sam & Daniel's POV

Daniel was in shock. Sam had never yelled at him before.  
  
He wanted to believe he had heard her correctly. He wanted to think that he had understood what she had said. If he was right, she had just told him that while she didn't want to be with him, she didn't want anyone but him.  
  
He couldn't believe how stupid and foolish he had been. Maybe she loved him and maybe she didn't. It shouldn't have mattered.   
  
He suddenly realized that she had just run out his door. "Damn it," he muttered as he jumped up and banged his leg into the coffee table, knocking over both still-full cups of coffee.  
  
He raced out the front door, leaving it open behind him. He could still hear her footsteps on the stairs as he ran after her.   
  
"Sam," he called out. "Sam, wait!"   
  
Her footsteps kept going, and he shouted louder, "Sam!! Please stop!" He was probably waking up half his neighbors, but he didn't care. He could deal with their complaints. He couldn't deal with losing Sam.  
  
He came out the front door and looked to where she had parked her car earlier in the night. He was relieved to see that it was still there. He rushed over to it, hoping she would talk him. As he approached, he expected it speed away, but it didn't. When he got close enough to look inside the windows, he saw there was no one inside.  
  
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Sam was frustrated with the lock, she wanted to break it. She tried to stop crying so that she could see, but the fact that should couldn't only made her cry harder, which made it more impossible to see. She knew she had to get away from her car. If she didn't he would come down any second and find her there. She also knew she couldn't run away. He would just see her running and chase after her.   
  
She hurried across the street, hiding in the deep shadows of the bushes. As she turned around, she saw that Daniel already outside, running in her direction. She held her breath and hoped he hadn't seen her.   
  
She covered her mouth and nose to muffle the sounds and allowed herself to breathe again when she saw him stop at her car and look inside. Once he saw she wasn't there, he turned in every direction, searching for her.  
  
She stood still as stone; she couldn't let him find her. She didn't want face him or have to keep pretending that she didn't love him. Worst of all, she didn't want him to see how much she really did love him. She feared it was already too late for that. She had foolishly blurted out everything she had been trying to hide, and storming out of his apartment in tears hadn't helped either.  
  
"Sam," he called out gently. "Sam, where are you?"  
  
Her tears continued to fall and she was now shaking, but she stayed out of sight.  
  
His voice got louder. "Sam, please come out." He turned in circles looking for her. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said what I did. Please come out!"   
  
He put his head down on her car, and Sam thought she might be able to get away without him noticing. But before she had a chance to move, he lifted his head and began walking back toward his apartment. Sam thought he was giving up and going inside, but he simply turned and sat down on the sidewalk.  
  
"You may as well come out now, because I'm going to sit here until you do!"  
  
Determined not to give up her hiding spot, she remained motionless.  
  
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"Please, Sam," he begged her. He had to find her to be certain that she was all right. He hated himself for what he had done, and now all he wanted to do was to fix it.  
  
"Sam, I know you're out here!" He was lying. He didn't know. She could have had a greater head start on him than he thought, and she had already run too far away for him to see. A taxi could have happened by, and she had taken it home.   
  
Still the possibility that she was outside his apartment somewhere was the greatest. Not only that, but he simply felt that she was there. He was determined to get her to come out. He wasn't sure what he would say to her when she did, but he knew he had to say something. He couldn't just leave things the way they were.  
  
"I'm gonna keep shouting until you come out!" He was becoming exhausted, and he knew he could be shouting his lungs out to no one. He laid back on the sidewalk with his knees up and tears running down his face.  
  
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Daniel screamed louder than Sam had ever thought possible. The emotion in his voice was overpowering. She'd never thought he could love her this much, but here he was screaming like a lunatic in the middle of the night for her.  
  
She saw lights coming on upstairs. Window curtains moved aside and faces poked out to see what was going on. Somebody was probably going to call the police, and the last thing she wanted was for him to go to jail for disturbing the peace.  
  
She took a deep breath to compose herself and stepped out of her hiding spot. Her bare feet moved silently across the cold ground. As she came within a few feet of him she spoke quietly. "I couldn't unlock my door."  
  
He sat up quickly at the sound of her voice. When he saw her, he scrambled to his feet and hurried to close the distance between them. He wrapped his arms tightly around her.  
  
"I'm an idiot, Sam." 


End file.
